The Weekly Weigh-In

I weighed myself yesterday morning - 200 pounds, wahoo! At this rate I will be below the 200 pound mark by the time of next week's weigh-in, which will be an awesome feeling.

 

Breather

I am still swimming every day, and still making an effort to eat less and make better food choices. However, I am not going to be blogging quite as much for the next little while, not till I get a job and can breathe freely again. I will try to keep recording the results of my weekly weigh-in, however!

 

I would like to thank Tiffany in particular for her support, which I hugely appreciate. It's good to hear from someone else that dieting isn't always easy, and to be encouraged when I am making positive changes. Thank you.

 

I'll be back as soon as I can! In the meantime, wish me luck in finding a new position before my last day of work at my current job, September 18.

 

Back on Track

I have a nasty little migraine, but went swimming after work anyhow (which actually helped). I note that every day I can swim a bit longer, or so it seems, and that I am getting muscle definition already in my triceps...rather to my surprise. Good surprise, though!

I likely won't blog tomorrow morning as I will be getting ready for my interview. My hope is that my migraine will go away overnight and I can bustle around in the morning. If not, well, I'll just have to bustle anyhow! This week is a bit of a grind, I must admit, but at least the events are generally positive.

My mathematical diet is proving to be a bit too light on the fruits & veg at present, but I plan to change that trend. I bought KFC last night (tsk tsk tsk), which won't help either, and I suspect it is the source of my migraine, so that should keep me off it in future. I wouldn't be surprised if one of those 11 secret herbs and spices is actually MSG, to judge by my reaction to it. That'll larn me!

Well, time to go take a cool bath and then try to meditate and visualize my headache away. Also, to drink as much water as I can get down to help flush my system. Talk to you Thursday....

Hasty Pudding

Okay, no pudding involved, but I am posting this in a rush! Sorry for the absence, but my eye exam on Sunday absolutely flattened me (fatigue and headache from the drops to dilate my pupils), and then yesterday by the time I got home from picking up a free sleeping bag after work I was so tired that I ached all over. I pushed myself to do the essentials and then went to bed.

And I didn't swim last night, either. I thought about it, but felt so rotten that I decided it wasn't an excuse, that I really would be better with a night off and some extra sack time. And I do feel better this morning, so - back at it tonight! Along with prep for another interview.

I'm having trouble staying hydrated in this hot weather. I get through water in the evening without much problem, but then I have to make at least one pitstop during the night. I have a water bottle at work but am wondering if I would be better served by a tall water glass, like at home. My water bottle tends to dribble and is a bit of a PITA that way. I welcome any suggestions!

Right, must dash into the shower and get ready for work. Will try to get back to more dietary topics tomorrow....

Hooray for Math!

I am thrilled to report that I am now 203 pounds, having lost 2.5 pounds since last week. And that is after eating a bag of potato chips pretty much every day, and having an enormous lunchtime gorge yesterday of a bacon cheddar cheeseburger PLUS fries with gravy. However, I also went swimming every night after work.

 

Fabulous, dahling! I hope that in two weeks time I will be below 200 pounds again. That would be a really terrific feeling. Go me!

 

Feasting Friday

Today is payday and the women at work are talking about buying lunch somewhere - we used to get sushi but the sushi place has recently shown a trend of higher prices with lower quality food. I'm trying to decide if I want to join them or stick to the path of mathematical dietary virtue.

Decisions, decisions...but the saddlebags on my hips have shrunk a bit and that's a trend I definitely want to continue! Still, I suppose there is always some sort of lower-calorie option to be had. Or I could just swim a few extra lengths tonight. Last night made it four nights in a row.

I expect that I will join them in eating out in any case. The point of switching diets was to enable myself to eat more of what I want without feeling guilty, and I love being able to have a bag of chips if I get a craving. But tomorrow will tell the true tale....

Zonked

Whew...I feel like I need a vacation! I had my interview yesterday for a very interesting position, and although I always second-guess myself after an interview, I think it went well. Maybe not well enough to get me the job, since I am not a perfectly qualified candidate - but they knew that when they invited me in. So we shall see.

 

Anyhow, this is to explain my lack of posting in the past day or so. Yesterday morning I was studying up for my interview (I tried to do so the night before but my brain was soggy and wouldn't hold more), and then yesterday when I got home, I swam, made dinner, and while I was cooking the adrenalin crash hit and I almost went to bed at 7:30. I did doze on the couch a bit!

 

Progress so far on the Mathematical Diet: I'm eating mostly what I want but trying to keep a good intake of fruits and vegetables. And I have gone for a swim after work every day so far this week. I'm not going to call it a milestone this time, because that seems like tempting fate after what happened last time I called it that! But I am feeling quite proud of myself, even so.

 

I guess we'll see how good my math is on Saturday, when I step on the scale! Wish I could sleep till then, though. You'd think our bodies would deal better with the aftermath of adrenalin.

 

Well, THAT Was Special

I definitely had a case of "too much fiber" cramping last night. I was able to sleep with the help of peppermint tea, but am still feeling a) tired, b) distended and c) unwilling to eat my vegetables today, even though I baked up a pan of them, thereby softening up that pesky fiber and putting it into a form that won't cause me agony later.

 

I could risk eating my veggies for lunch anyhow, except that I have an interview tomorrow (hooray!) and really don't want my digestive tract being *ahem* troublesome. I expect I will freeze my baked veggies tonight for use later.

 

More sadly, I also roasted garlic last night, but was feeling too terrible to eat it by the time it was done. I will turn it into garlic mash and freeze it tonight as well (possibly while wearing rubber gloves, so that I don't go into my interview tomorrow smelling like an Italian deli). I'm thinking that a roasted garlic and apple compote would be a mighty fine thing over roasted pork, for some weekend experimental cooking. Hm, and maybe a soupcon of sage, too.

 

Now, whatever shall I wear to my interview tomorrow, since I felt like such a dork in my blue silk tent of a skirt last time? Decisions, decisions....

 

 

Better Than Expected

I made my breakfast and lunch this morning, both the same - a tubful of salad comprised of Granny Smith apple, celery and carrot, with cheddar and mozzarella grated over top, then the whole thing heated in the microwave to bubble the cheese and warm the salad a bit. Tasty and very fiber-filled. The breakfast didn't last me till lunch, so I had a bag of chips and then, since the chips weren't tiding me over either, a raisin bran muffin from the cafeteria. The muffin tided me over very nicely, till I finally decided I had better eat my lunch, well after 1 pm.

Came home, heated the oven and put some chicken in to bake, then went for a swim to burn off some aggravation about other matters. I am now pretty hungry, and my stomach feels hollow, but I'm not sure if that's from stress cramps (or possibly "too much fiber" cramps) earlier or if I am genuinely hungry. Still a bit crampy. Oh well. Live and learn! I should've baked the salad last night, but I was being lazy. I tolerate cooked fiber much better.

And the chicken smells great. I seasoned it with sea salt and Herbes de Provence. Perhaps I will use my last few dregs of energy to prep a salad for baking for tomorrow, to take with leftover chicken drumsticks. Yum.

Monday Math

I've decided to start trying the "Mathematical Diet," which boils down to more calories out than in equals weight loss. I do want to continue eating fresh fruit and vegetables, but portion control just wasn't working for me.

So today it begins. I know that I am tired after a poor night's sleep, so am unlikely to exercise after work. That means I should eat less and maybe get in a walk at lunchtime. I did that a couple of times last week and enjoyed it.

I guess we'll see on Saturday whether or not it is working! But no doubt I will find myself coming up with some great excuses to eat more and exercise less. Reminder to self: the calories don't care what your excuse is. The calories don't care what your excuse is. The calories don't care what your excuse is...it's all about the math....

Oh Yes...

...Forgot to mention today's weight. 205.5 pounds. Though I have no great faith in my scale, since I have to adjust it every darn time I want to step on, to zero it again. Anyhow, half a pound gain isn't too bad, considering...but it's still the wrong direction!

 

All Roads Lead To Rome

I was watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer last night called "Once More With Feeling." In it, a demon visits the city who is an exceedingly good dancer (in real life, the actor was in the show The Wiz, for a start). I can never watch great dancing without itching to start dancing again myself, and I've been playing with the idea of getting back into adult ballet - if the PITA factor doesn't defeat me.

 

Anyhow, I realized that portion counting drives me right round the bend. I want to keep trying to eat lots more fruit and vegetables, because I have noticed the benefits of doing so. But I don't want to keep cutting myself off from eating delicious food when I am hungry just because I have run out of portions. And I also want to be able to eat pizza and fried chicken once in awhile without feeling that I am a bad person who is doomed to be overweight forever.

 

The basic math of a diet says that to lose weight, you need to burn off more calories than you take in. That is true for any diet ever - hence my blog title about all roads leading to Rome. I think I am going to start with that premise this weekend, that I want to have a diet that is reasonably healthy but that my weight loss will come from the math, not from counting my portions. Maybe that approach will work better for me.

 

I'm not actually averse to exercise, but to the PITA factor (can't walk in the sunshine because I will get burned and heat-rashy, can't swim in the rain because I'll freeze, can't do a full ballet workout in my apartment because I can't jump up and down on my floor without bothering the neighbours, etc.). So what I need to remove is the PITA barrier to exercise. It wouldn't hurt to find a really good motivation, either! That one is a bit tougher, but there must be an answer...and I will look for it this weekend.

 

The Questing Beast

If you've ever read T. H. White's charming book, The Sword in the Stone, you may recall the character of the Questing Beast, whose sole purpose in life was to give King Pellinore a creature to hunt. Pellinore loved the chase, but didn't ever catch the Beast, and when Pellinore took a break to go "mollocking about in feather beds," the Beast pined away with loneliness till Pellinore found it and nursed it back to health so they could continue questing together.

I was reminded of that this week, reading my horoscope from Rob Breszny at Free Will Astrology. In part, he wrote, "Remember my promises: Life has been and will continue to be conspiring to get you settled in your ideal home base, supercharge your relationships with your closest allies, and connect you with the resources that will fuel your long-term quest." I am something of a Pellinore myself, and every so often I have to stop and make sure I am still questing after the right Beast.

That is my plan for this weekend. I am feeling somewhat stalled on all fronts of the work in progress that is my life, and I need to stop and reevaluate where I am going and what I am doing. Sometimes when I do this, I discover that the Beast has cunningly walked up the streambed for half a mile and is now off in a different direction. I think that may have happened to me again. If it is this hard for me to diet and exercise, even though I've been trying to get into the habit of this for over a month, then I cannot be on the right path.

I'm going to eat what I want to today, though it won't include pizza! I just want a day to enjoy my food instead of grimly chewing it down. And tomorrow I will start working on rethinking my diet and exercise...and life...plan, while I listen for the sound of the Beast.

Frag The Diet

No, I'm not going off the diet forever...just for today. I had a burst of rebellion this morning against making yet another boring breakfast and lunch, all the fiddly vegetable chopping and portion counting and all the rest. So I had a ham sandwich for breakfast and bought my lunch - TWO pieces of cheese pizza from the cafeteria. Not overly yummy, but at least it wasn't yet another round of bleeping blankety-blank rabbit food.

 

I've been on this diet for over a month and I think I've only managed to stick strictly to it one day out of all that time. I am eating better food, to be sure, but I am tired of feeling like a daily failure because I eat more than I should and don't seem to exercise. Nor am I enjoying my food the way I used to. So I am taking a break for today and maybe tomorrow, and then this weekend I am going to plan a new approach. I know I need to do this, but I am fed up with struggling to no effect.

 

Thanks, Tiffany, for your suggestion of a juice fast. Maybe a couple of days of that would be a good start.

 

Cleanse

I subscribe to Gwyneth Paltrow's newsletter, GOOP - not so much for what it recommends, as that is generally outside my budget no matter what it is, but for the glimpse it affords me into how one of the rich and famous thinks. I must admit I think Gwyneth would be a fun person to have as a friend, based on her newsletters, though there is some pretty shrewd marketing going on there as well.

 

Anyhow, the newsletter for today was about a cleansing program. I can't afford the $250 USD or whatever it was to get the program itself, but I looked at the website and I am wondering if I can create my own approximation of it. It is a two shakes and one solid meal a day plan, and there is a manual on what foods to eat and not eat, plus other supplementary activities that will help with the detox process (meditation, exercise, massage, brushing, etc.). And I could do the cleanse I did before, which is more like $30 or $40 Cdn!

 

I do often feel like there must be a lot of clutter (she said politely) in my digestive tract, and certainly my bursts of eating nutritionally poor, high fat, high salt meals can't help either. Maybe to get this diet going, I need some kind of drastic change with a "clean slate" feeling to it. And it would be interesting to see what happens if I completely dropped all the foods the GOOP cleansing program says to drop, like bread and red meat...and coffee. I may be an unrepentant carnivore, but giving up coffee is the one that really makes me want to scream. I can eat fish and chicken instead of beef and pork, but there is NO substitute for my morning coffee. Sigh.

 

Anyone else out there tried a cleanse? Thoughts, recommendations?

 

Rationalization

I did indeed get my period yesterday, and spent the day fighting against my desire to stuff myself with potato chips, pepperoni pizza and massive greasy cheeseburgers. After being well-behaved all day at work, I made myself cheeseburgers for dinner, so that I could control the ingredients but still get my salt and grease fix. Then I had a long hot bath and went to bed.

I must admit that after seeing how many calories I tucked away for dinner, I am rather amazed that I don't weigh 305 lb instead of 205! 4 slices of bread, 2 hamburger patties, 1/2 avocado, mayo (though the half-fat kind), greens, whole grain mustard...and then later on a ham sandwich because I was still hungry and wanted comfort food to eat in bed.

I'm still vaguely crampy today, but I hope to stick to my diet now that the first day of my period is over. At least it is raining out, so I slept like a rock last night and could happily have stayed in bed when my alarm went off. So lovely, sleeping in the cool air...as if I am having a warm bath of sleep. Mmm.

Not sure about exercise today. No walking or swimming, because it is raining, and no yoga because menstruating women aren't supposed to do inverted poses. Pilates, maybe. Or even some gentle stretching. Or - which in my present groggy state seems most likely - another long hot bath and then bed!

I have to admit that I don't know when I should exercise and when I should rest. As someone with a sluggish thyroid, for a long time doing exercise had direct physical consequences, and they were definitely a sign that I should not exercise. My body simply had nothing left to give, because I was under-medicated. But now my meds are properly adjusted. So how do I know when "tired" is "but exercising anyhow will be positive" or when it is "you really do need the rest and recuperation"? I can't get past believing that if I am already tired, what I need is sleep, not a workout.

Domestic

Last night I drove home from work in the rain, and discovered that I felt very domestic. It seemed like an excellent evening to stay in and do cleaning and laundry and meal prep and such. I figured I could do yoga once my dinner had digested a bit. I got the laundry on and ate my remaining food portions for dinner and accomplished a few other things, and then - oops! - I sat down to read for a few minutes while waiting for my laundry timer to go.

 

At that point the residual energy from a project I have been engrossed in at work abruptly all drained out of me and I realized that I was tired to the point of aching, had a mild headache and a few premenstrual cramps, and just wanted to have a hot bath and go to bed. That, once my laundry was dry, I did.

 

I had a really great sleep and will try to do exercise again today. But this is why two nights in a row was a milestone, you see. I get derailed pretty quickly.

 

Still thinking about Tiffany's idea of mini-goals. I think it's a great idea in principle, but am wondering if it will motivate me personally any better. I seem very bad about keeping promises to myself. It's promises to others I keep.

 

Derailed

I admit it, I didn't go swimming yesterday, or eat a particularly balanced diet either. However, I have decided that today I will start over - again! - now that I have rabbit food and similarly revolting foodstuffs in my fridge again.

 

And in the really entertaining way the universe has of forcing you to prove you really want to stay on track with a habit, it has cooled off and become cloudy overnight, so my swimming "habit" will have to become a walking habit if it stays like this. Though I am grateful for the cooler weather. Maybe I can get a good night's sleep tonight.

 

All right - time to see if I can keep my diet and exercise train on the tracks this week - for a change!

 

On Medical Advice

On medical advice, I will not be exercising today. Heh. Seriously, though - it's not that I absolutely can't, but the phlebotomist said when I asked about swimming that the rule is six hours before lifting, exercise, etc., and when I replied that I could take a gentle stroll, she reminded me that it is very hot out today. And it is true that while I am not feeling unwell, I do feel a bit tired and ...I don't know, what's one step below lightheaded? Faintly fuzzy? So I think I would be well-advised to skip the workout today and start again tomorrow.

I forgot to weigh myself before I went, so did it when I got home. 205 pounds, so no change. Oh well. I definitely need to get back in the pool tomorrow! And buy some fresh veggies too. I don't know why, but I get the non-scientific impression that I actually lose more weight if I eat more calories...as long as those calories are in the form of greens.

Anyhow, it was a very interesting trip to the blood donor clinic. Did you know that my type (O neg) is called "the champagne of bloods" because you can give it to trauma victims without having to cross-match first? And it's fairly rare, too, unfortunately for the medical profession. So that's why I am glad to have returned to donating after a fairly lengthy hiatus.

Now I'm going to go and be nice to myself today, taking it easy and eating healthy foods so I can replace the blood I gave away. To me, that actually seems like a better reason to eat nutritious food than just for my own sake. Being the inquisitive type that I am, I can't help but wonder how much the quality of the blood improves based on the donor's eating habits. Will the recipient of my blood get caffeine jitters? If I eat salad instead of cheeseburgers, will it help the recipient recover faster?

A Milestone

I just came back from another swim. Shorter than yesterday's, but that's because I realized once I began that I am sore - I just couldn't tell till now because I wasn't using those muscles! So tell me, class, what would the cure for that be? Show of hands, please....

 

Anyhow, ludicrous as it may seem to someone who exercises regularly, for me to make it to the second day of exercising - on a Friday night, no less - is a milestone. I can't even recall how many times I stopped exercising after only doing it once! Including within the past week, when I went for a walk one day and somehow failed to go again even though it was a lovely restorative jaunt for me that included being accompanied home by a double rainbow.

 

And once again today I had to accept the whinging of my little voice (and I did agree with it that the suntan lotion smelled terrible) and get into the pool anyhow. Maybe that's what proponents of the "just do it" philosophy mean.

 

Tomorrow I give blood, so that will be tricky as I will have a genuine excuse not to exercise. I don't fancy having a rebleed in the water, EUW. And walking on a hot sunny day gives me heatstroke. Well - we shall see. Maybe a short walk or some gentle treading water or walking in the air-conditioned mall instead. Something. Not so much for the benefit as to keep developing the habit.

 

But today I am proud of me for exercising two days in a row - and sticking to my diet all day too. It may be too little too late for my weighing-in tomorrow, but next week will sure show a difference if I keep this up.

 

Now - bring on the weekend!

 

Fabulous Friday

I love that it is Friday and I have lots of creative plans for the weekend. Also that I can wear casual clothes today, AND it's payday, so I can restock on fresh vegetables and bread. I may never be a salad fan but I do enjoy stuffing my sandwiches full of greens.

I'm not even sore to speak of, though I did do a cool-down in the pool before getting out so that may have helped.

Hmm...feels like an awesome day ahead! Filled with healthy choices. Heh.

Score One For Sucking It Up!

I came home from work today and firmly refused to allow myself to be derailed by any of my usual feeble excuses. I put on my swimsuit and went for a swim. It didn't take long for my arms to start feeling it, and I fully expect to be sore tomorrow, which is excellent.

Just as well I didn't keep going till I was exhausted, though, as about twenty minutes of breaststroke has already given me a sunburned face and shoulders. Maybe tomorrow I will ignore even more of my feeble excuses and put on my sunscreen before I hit the pool!

I also managed to stick to my diet today, apart from three pieces of what I call plastic cheese in the afternoon because I was starvelous. I've run out of fresh veggies so I didn't get my usual fiber fix at lunch. Anyhow, chicken is going in the oven soon to bake and I have two baked potatoes (one for tomorrow) that will go in with it, and I will steam myself a nice big pot of something frozen and vegetable-ish to compensate for missing my earlier portions.

But I am so proud of myself for managing to go for a swim. Not because I went for a long time, but because I went at all. I wasn't motivated and I didn't use a lot of willpower...I just kinda went limp on the voice inside my head that tried to talk me out of it. Sort of "yes, I hear you, you're right about my stubbly bikini line and how I hate wearing sunscreen and that my suit probably won't fit me any more" and then I proceeded anyhow.

Strange, that voice. I wonder if I can gag it? I suppose it has my best interests at heart (pardon me for lapsing into new-age-speak), but it's focused on the wrong details. Can I redirect it?

Willpower

I wish I knew the secret to willpower. I think someone took out my willpower module and substituted a won'tpower module - as in, 'I won't stay on my diet', 'I won't eat another salad', 'I won't cook healthy foods instead of grazing on whatever I can find.'

 

And let us not forget 'I won't exercise'. *ahem* No, I didn't exercise on Tuesday and I didn't exercise yesterday, despite some really excellent intentions. The calories don't care about good intentions, either. Stupid calories. I am not looking forward to my moment on the scale on Saturday. Would it be cheating to wait till after I give blood to weigh myself?? ...Just kidding. Between the "good breakfast" beforehand and the snacks after, I don't expect it would help.

 

I am not disputing that I need to suck it up. I'm just wondering where I find suck-it-up-itude. How do I motivate myself to stay thin? Of course, my diet buddy is on vacation this week, so that doesn't help (though I hope she has a lovely time!).

 

If someone found a way to sell willpower, they'd be rich. Or perhaps they have...Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig. Hm.

 

Well, off to make myself a healthy portion-controlled breakfast and lunch...and take all the coins out of my wallet so I can't buy junk food at work when I get bored!