Well, it is 4 pm on a Sunday afternoon, and so far the only thing I have accomplished this weekend out of all my virtuous plans is to buy some essential groceries. However, you will no doubt be pleased to hear that I have made considerable advancements in my FaceBook games. Sigh.
I wonder if my swimming suit still fits me? Probably in the same sausage-skin way as the rest of my wardrobe. But I can stay wrapped in a towel till I'm in the pool, and trust that the wavering effect of the water will camouflage the worst of the failure to cover all my fat.
I'm trying not to beat myself up over this. I'm usually wound pretty tightly, and that is still true at present. I was feeling relaxed until a colleague pointed out the increasing scarcity of jobs to me. I don't dispute that, but I was working on it. However, she said I should take any job I could get at whatever hourly rate to stay in my organization, as a foot in the door. I felt that this would leave me unable to pay my rent, given that the best job opening I saw was $4.50 less per hour than I make now. This is the kind of thing that makes me want to gorge myself on Church's Chicken.
Anyhow, I have had a rather escapist weekend, trying to avoid feelings of screaming panic. Thinking that I may become poor and unable to afford food tends to make me want to stockpile groceries and eat everything in sight, just to prove to myself that I can still afford to eat! But I hope that returning to the focus and discipline of my project at work will also help me maintain focus and discipline with regard to finding a new position in the fall.
I will cope, never fear. I am just trying to cope without using food for comfort.
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